"Look at me! I'm a stupid baby! I roll around and lead with my head and never get hurt because I'm super flexible and have plenty of fat."
Stupid babies and their perfect alignment. Hmph.

sigh and yawn
How many times do I have to write about my aesthetics? I mean, sure I like talking about them, usually, but when I have to write about them it often turns into a rant about how much I hate Utah and how I'm frustrated by my schooling. This doesn't go over so well when I'm writing for one of my teachers. For part of this assignment I have to write 5 artistic beliefs and 5 things I artistically do not believe in. I do not believe in god, artistically of course. Can I get away with that? So here are some of the things that I'd like to write but probably won't (well, maybe just a few).

I do not believe:
-ballet has any artistic value
-everyone has a valid opinion
-anyone should have a post-show discussion (especially idiots)

I do believe:
-having a small number of male dancers is a very bad thing. Not because I think more people should dance but because the ratio of good dancers to mediocre is like 1 to like, you know six or so. So for every one good female dancer there are six boring ones which isn't too bad since there are a lot of them. But when there's only one good male dancer there are six more out there who aren't so good. Now let's say that the number of really good male dancers in the USA is 1000 (that's probably a little small but my opinion of what's good is pretty limited). That's means there are 6000 dopes trying to get into dance companies or worse yet choreographing on their own. That's a whole lot of bad dance. So how often are you going to see a great male dancer?
-choreographers should have someone besides their best friend watch their piece before showing it to the public
-contact improv jams are stupid (c'mon, they're called "jams" ooh, we are so cool)
-dance should never be associated with "our lord Jesus Christ"
-people should shut the fuck up

Fuckin' "Artists"
oh angry angry

Something Stupid

You know those times when something trivial happens and it ruins your whole day? Well, I lost my keys yesterday and I feel like everything is falling apart. Suddenly I think my choreography sucks, everyone hates me, I don't want to go to school and I'm crying a lot. Just because I lost my keys. Come back lost keys, I need you in my life.

I know my sister already posted a link to this website but I think people need to go to it again. Plus some of you went to it when it only had the stupid holiday special episodes. So try going there now. My favorite is the featured episode, it has cute pink and yellow bunnies. I love them.

Angry Angry

I was playing Yu-Gi-Oh! this morning (yes, the exclamation point is actually part of the title) and had to fight this mage guy and he had monster with like 3700 attack points! Can you believe it?! My strongest monster only has 2800 attack points. I lost.

That's the best I could do. Some things will never go away, especially when I'm a stuborn fucking bastard.

I'm going to Costco to buy a cheesecake. They're yummy and I'm thin.

Come forth!

So before I left to come to Seattle I was really getting into playing the Yu-Gi-Oh video game on my playstation. Okay, it does have really lame graphics and I also press the skip button whenever I battle opponents because it takes fuckin forever but still I was really getting addicted to it. It's really fun because you get to pretend you're in the cartoon and yell things like, "I combine Fairy of the Water Dragon with Morphing Jar to create Mystical Sand! Come forth and destroy my enemies!" or "I play Changing Mirror in defense mode." Stuff like that. Of course, it's only fun if someone else is in the room that also likes the cartoon show and knows what you're talking about (like your roommate, even though really you're the only one who wants to get up at seven in the morning to watch it) For everyone who hasn't seen Yu-Gi-Oh it comes on everyday at 4:30 on WB and at 7:00 and 10:00 on Saturdays Utah time and 8:00 and 11:00 Washington time. This Saturday contains an hour and a half of it. Now really, what do you usually do Saturday mornings?

I hate children, especially when they're wearing tap shoes and singing Christmas songs

I'm stuck at the Marriott Center for Dance "working" a show for Thompson/Lane Dance Academy. It's quite pathetic. Not only are all the dances incredibly cheesy and oh so for mormon mom and dad sometimes the kids have to sing too. And they really can't. I just cringe every time one of them walks up to the microphone. Poor children, stupid parents.

One more question, perhaps the most important.

I hate:

a) all of god's creatures
b) commies
c) breasts

Since Erin thinks she's so smart I made my own quiz that you can take here
That'll show 'er.

So, like, don't you think it's awkward when you're in the grocery store and you run into one of your teachers that you haven't talked to since you wrote them that completely insincere (but they probably didn't know) apology letter and then said teacher's husband walks up who's also a faculty member sort of and also received the same letter and everyone's acting all nice and happy even though you're thinking "i wonder what they're thinking, i haven't spoken to them in almost two weeks since i gave them those apology letters."
Don't you think that would be awkward. I did.

SHAKUJO
I'm trying to make these staff things for my senior piece that buddhist monks use to use. I'm not sure why. They just look cool. And plus every cool spell caster in Japanimation always has one so they're supposed to enhance your spiritual power or something. I'm mostly just having fun making props and costumes for my dancers. Choreography? That's not really important now is it? Anyway I wanted to make these staffs five feet high but the wood dowels size that I want to use only comes 4 feet high. But my boss is convinced that he's used dowels that were longer than that so I called about 20 lumber, craft and hardware stores yesterday until I was about to cry because everybody was mean and treated me like an idiot for even asking if they had longer dowels and of course none of them did and I don't think anyone does and my boss is probably wrong so I finally got so fed up that they're now just going to be four feet high. Stupid lumber stores. All smelly and shit.

boy trouble
My step-sister Alise is probably going to come stay with me this weekend. Her flight home for Christmas leaves out of Salt Lake and she's in Rexburg, Idaho. I don't know why she's flying out of Salt Lake, I'm sure that was my dad's doing, I would just say screw it. So she called me up the other day and asked if she could stay with me because her only other option would be her biological dad and he's crazy (I've met him. I had to have dinner with him and my step-family, including his ex-wife and my dad, her new husband. God that sucked. Not only was there so much tension but I constantly wanted to smack him because he kept making subtle knocks at my dad. Of course Dad just kind of ignored them but also said things to make the other guy realize he was always in the wrong which my dad is great at, he does it to everyone). So she's going to stay with me for a couple of days. She'll probably want to go to church on Sunday but I'll be damned (hmm) if I'll go with her. Unfortunately I do know where the nearest church is to my house but I have no idea what time it starts nor do I know how to find out. So she's on her own. I think it's probably a good thing she's staying with me for a while because when she called the other day we talked for like a half hour which is a long time for me. She mostly complained about her dating troubles. Not that she's having trouble dating but that her mom is driving her crazy with overbearing concern. When Alise and I finished talking she just sighed and thanked me for letting her get so much off her chest. Her sister and her mom have been criticizing her so much and she just feels like she can't turn to anyone because they're the people she usually turns to. So when she's here I'll have about two days to straighten her out.
so damn cute
I woke these past two nights to a little surprise. I was sort of curled up in bed facing the wall and opened my eyes around six a.m. And my little kitten was sleeping right next to my chest. She was all stretched out on her back, just laying there. I wanted to puke she's so cute.

bad Ian, bad (slap slap)

How many times have I been called into the office of the Chair of the Department of Modern Dance? Five? Six? Seven? Hell, I don't even know anymore. And why was I always such a good kid through elementary and high school (except for totally faking being sick whenever I had a test) and now I have to talk to the principal all of a sudden? Is it my repressed confrontational attitude finally coming out? No. Everyone is just stupid. Anywho, it's a miracle I haven't been kicked out of this department yet.

And on a lighter note, my piece isn't going to ACDFA. Oh yeah, I had a dance piece that was going to go to the American College Dance Festival Association in Bellingham but...now it's not. And apparently all my teachers (ALL, according to my department chair) are fed up with my attitude and conduct in class, even the ones who I haven't even interacted with this year. I guess they've hated me all these years and just never said anything. At least that's the impression I got.

Hooray for me. I'm on my way to making it in the world!

Not quite as cool

Erin posted a list of all her past boyfriends so I thought I'd post one too...the problem being I've never dated anyone long enough to really call them a boyfriend so here's a list of the people i've slept with who might have been potential boyfriends but never went anywhere

Manny
He was my first kiss...ever. I'm glad it was with a boy. I thought he was totally fun and hot until I got to know him. Once we got in a two hour arguement about saying hello to people on the street. He's from the east coast and the last time I talked to him he was telling me how his current boyfriend's cum tastes like candy.

Matt or Brad or Gary or I don't know what
I dated him my freshman year of college (in Salt Lake). He wasn't at all my type (way to short and young) and he worked in a bagel store.

Christopher
Christopher was way cool and nice and had really nice eyes and a cute smile. I really liked him but one night we slept together and we started fooling around while watching "Heavenly Creatures." We were totally making out during the part where they kill her mother. After that we had sex in his room while his dog was in his cage...in his room. That was weird and I felt dirty and gross when I woke up the next morning. That was that.

Jonathan
Jonathan was really sexy and had a way nice butt. Jonathan was also a total prick. He pissed me off but I always wanted to sleep with him. And so I did. It was good, but I'm glad that's over.

Ben
Ben was the best. He was smart and cute and sexy and funny. I had the best time with him. Alas, I only got to spend one weekend with him. I miss Ben the most. Ben was one of the best things about my trip to San Francisco.

Randall
Randall was 41 years old. I was lonely.

Alan
Alan was 19. We're still sort of seeing each other although we don't sleep together anymore so that's all right best beloved, do you see?

The Devil
I actually only slept with him in my dream the other day but he was certainly the best by far. The Devil has absolutely no inhibitions in bed and he'll do whatever he wants. It was great. And he's a way cool guy, he's totally mellow and relaxed and pretty cynical. We hung out for a while.

Ol' Nuts
Finally A told H off (I think because I blew up at A and told him I couldn't listen to him bitch about H anymore and it's high time he did something about it). The last straw was when A opened the hall closet and the bathroom garbage fell on him. Apparently H didn't take out the garbage like A thought, he merely put it in the closet without tying the top so when A opened the door all these old kleenexes and q-tips fell on his pants. As a form of retaliation for being yelled at by A H took everything in the kitchen that was his and wrote his name on it in big black sharpie. I can't really figure out why he did this because A eating H's food wasn't the problem, it was the other way around. So maybe he's labelling his food so he always knows which box of rice krispies is his so he won't eat A's, we all know how hard it is to keep track of what you've bought the past week. "Boy, I don't remember buying ingredients for a cake or even making one but I guess I must have because look, there's one right in my fridge. It must be mine."

Now that my paper's not due until Wednesday I didn't read any articles today. I just smoked and played video games. My life is completely fulfilling, so shut up.

my roommate is hot

Anyways (I love adding the 's') Margaret and I got a kitty. We adopted her yesterday. She's a blackish manx and about three months old. Her name is Alex (even though I wanted to name her Xiao but Margaret said that was too hard to say but she is Margaret's cat so) and she took a long nap on my belly yesterday afternoon. And of course I didn't do any of my homework because, duh, we have a cute little muffin cat.

Hooray!
I skipped ballet class again! It's been a whole week. At least I went to barre and actually learned our first center floor combination before running away. That counts for something right? While we were learning center floor I kept edging toward the door. I'm sneaky, even though I think just about the whole class expects me to leave.

I went to college. I have a philosophy. Plus I'm real smart-like.

Life is fragile, exposed and dangerous. As sentient beings, humans continually explore the uncertainty of life. We create new means to express our investigations believing that in the act of expression we will gain new knowledge. Self-identity and group-identity are two mysterious concepts in life; one?s inner growth and exterior environment constantly affect them. How do we perceive ourselves? How do others perceive us? The way we move, how we speak, every action we take informs others of our being. In the very act of living we open ourselves to criticism. We modify our actions with the need to conform, to be accepted. But when our adjustments conflict with our inner awareness a rift appears. A frantic struggle ensues between our individuality and our need of acceptance, a struggle that may last a lifetime. Life begins pure but soon becomes complex; the price of ignoring the complexities of life is isolation. The Seeds of Before is an exploration in creating an individual identity within a structured society. This choreographic work is fueled by the concept that we are not independent beings; our actions are influenced and often dictated by outside forces, whether we are conscious of it or not.

Here's proof that I'm cool. The title for my student concert piece is:

"untitled"
or
You know, literal bodies in a layman's world.


Now how could you have ever doubted my coolness?

I cleaned my room the other day (including vacuuming) and wow does it smell great. That made me feel pretty pathetic. Who knew vacuuming actually did anything?

Don't you love it when you're an idiot. So I borrowed my boss' car on Monday (to drive to my therapist's office no less, where I was planning to cry a lot) and was backing up when I suddenly heard this loud cracking sound. I hadn't even gone fifteen feet yet...and I already ruined his car. I was too close to this car parked behind and to the left so when I pulled out the driver's side mirror on my boss' car got smashed right off when it scraped against the other car. Luckily I only hit the spare tire on the other car (it was an SUV where the spare tire hangs on the back) so it was fine. But it's going to cost about $300 to fix the mirror on my boss' car. I love myself. So to treat myself for being such an idiot I went to the store and bought a box of Trix, a box of Cookie Crisp, a log of frozen cookie dough (I'll eat anything in log form), some Luna bars (you know, 'cause I like to stay healthy) and four pints of Haagen Dazs. Oh, and I missed my therapy appointment.

And now my kitties are gone. I don't know where they went. Perhaps they realized that I like puppies more and were offended. Come back kitties!
Why are panels on gay issues so terrible? And why would I want to listen to a bunch of people talk about stuff I already know to a bunch of other people who also already know it? Huh?

Last night I woke up around 3:27 giggling. I suddenly thought of this really funny saying that I could put on my blog and maybe finally be as funny as my sister. It was something along the lines of, "Leave me alone you idiotic eunuch!" I don't think this is so funny anymore. More just...stupid.