escape from the MTA

Last night I headed out to a BBQ in Brooklyn thrown by Lauren and Zach J. It was great even though (or maybe particularly because) the only things I barbecued were marshmallows for s'mores.

I had a late start going out. At the last minute I had the brilliant idea of baking gingersnap cookies and insisted on using fresh ginger. Unfortunately all the recipes I found used dried ground ginger. I remembered making awesomely good fresh ginger gingersnaps once in Seattle and I was basically trying to relive that memory of baking ginger wafting through the house. I should have known better than to live in the past. The cookies turned out more like ginger cakes, no snap at all, and I threw them in the trash. Next time I'll spend a little more time looking for that fresh ginger recipe.

I ended up leaving my apartment, in the far north end of Manhattan, to travel way down to mid Brooklyn around 7:40PM. The trip took: 1 bus, 3 trains, 3 transfers and a few longs blocks of walking due to confusion (on my part) about what the hell was happening on the train lines this weekend. But strangely I didn't have to wait very long for any of the trains so the whole trip was relatively painless, I got a lot of reading done, and arrived at the J's around 9. Little did I know that the MTA had a sinister plan for my return trip. A plan to challenge my calm, carefree attitude.

The adventure began at 1AM when Tara and I left the party and caught the Q train back to Manhattan. I was planning on transferring to the A train at Times Square and braving the long stanky tunnel. But. After only a few short stops, while still in Brooklyn, we heard that two word phrase dreaded by all subway riders, "Last stop!" So we hiked through that stop's own long tunnel (though not nearly as stanky Times Square's) and luckily jumped on a N train moments before it left the station. Tara and I said a quick goodbye at 42nd street and I began walking up the stairs. But I changed my mind at the last minute. Why walk through that eerie tunnel when I can walk outside in the cool(ish) night air. And it seems like a shorter transfer over to the A when walking outside. So I headed to an out of the way entrance/exit near the Shuttle train. When I got closer I a small doubt formed which was confirmed when I saw that the turnstiles had been padlocked shut. What to do? Turn around and take a long (it seemed long at that time of the morning) walk to another exit, or go through the emergency exit? I mean, come on, people use the emergency exit all the time, I see them, so what would it hurt for me to use it this one time? Sure the alarm will go off but I'll be heading out into the night air in no time. So I pushed it open, ignored the piercing alarm, walked up a few stairs, turned the corner...and encountered a locked gate barring the stairs to the street. I stood shocked for a moment, quickly turned around and dashed back to the emergency exit reaching it just after it closed, locking me out (in). Uh oh. Now what? My mind emptied when I realized I had no idea what to do. But then I saw the help box near the exit and pressed the call button.

MTA employee: What's your emergency?
Me: Umm, I'm trapped at a subway entrance. I wasn't really thinking and walked through the emergency exit but the gate to the street is locked and now I can't go anywhere.
MTA employee: Where are you?
I described my location.MTA employee: Okay.

So I waited. And got a little nervous. What if they came to let me out and fined me? I don't have a lot in my bank right now and a fine is not in my budget. Planning my strategy, or lie I would use, I took my subway card out of my wallet, put it in my pocket and put my wallet in my bag. Then if they asked me for ID I could say I only brought my subway card and left my wallet at home to prevent myself from spending any money. Then they couldn't check the false name I'd be giving them.

(re: fooling aurthority with ridiculous stories. Many years ago I was driving a truck on the freeway filled with my belongings and couldn't see out the back. I was worried that I would either get pulled over for reckless driving or actually get in an accident. I convinced myself that the police officer would be lenient with me if s/he believed I had searing eye pain!, which was the cause of my bad driving/accident. To help convince myself of the validity of my story with no purpose I began pressing my hand against my left eye as if I really did have searing eye pain! I didn't get in an accident and wasn't pulled over. But my eye really did start to hurt.)

Anyway, that was my plan for the MTA employee. I also saw some construction workers a little ways away and considered calling out to them but didn't quite feel like explaining my situation to five joking, possibly grumpy guys at 2AM, so I stayed silent.

While waiting I went back to take another look at the gate to the streets and noticed there was an opening at the top of the gate about 2 feet wide spanning its width. I was pretty sure I would fit. So I smashed my bag into the top corner of the gate (I didn't want to risk it falling on the opposite side, aren't I smart?), put my foot on the bottom and hoisted myself to the top of the 7 foot bars. Then I began sliding my legs through. There wasn't much room so I couldn't really lower myself down but instead wedged my forearm in between the gate and the ceiling and kind of jumped/fell to the ground. Success! My hands were totally black, as was my bag, my triceps got scraped up and I later noticed that I had black all over the front of my shirt. But I was out! and before anyone found me. I walked over to the A train in my messy clothes being careful not to rub my eyes (because they itched, not because of searing eye pain!). I then patiently waited for the train, transferred at 168th for the bus (which happened to be the one that stops right outside my apartment, hooray) and walked in my door at 3AM. A quick scrub and tooth brushing later I was snuggled in bed, safe from the entrapments of the MTA, which really were partly (mostly?) my own fault.

The end.

I might have to add this to my list of feats of daring-do. I wish I had taken some pictures, but I didn't want to risk staying there any longer.