nutzso

I haven't been blogging much lately for a variety of reasons. And here they are:

1. I don't like my writing style. I want to tell a funny story but I don't seem to be very good at condensing material and still getting the point across. So either my stories are too short and the humor is lacking or too long and by the time you get to the end you don't care.

2. Since my audition is over I no longer have a concrete reason to create art. A friend of mine smoked some cigarettes before her audition to help calm down, I bought a pack afterward to help cheer me up.

3. Number 2 bummed me out.

4. I actually talk to most of the people who read this anyway, so by the time I'm ready to write everyone's already heard it.

Which brings me to the reason I'm writing this at all. It's a nod to NSP. I just read her entry on reading other blogs and thought, "Hey, she prolly checks my every once in a moon, so I'll give her an extra minute to ignore work." That's what I read blogs for. And also: I don't have a kid! I mean, yes, I totally freaked out today because I have student loan that's defaulted and was sent to a collection agency and yes, it's much more than it was when I first got it and yes, I haven't even talked to the agency yet about paying them back (my mom's advice was to offer them 20 bucks a month or nothing at all, "What're they gonna do? Send you to jail? Then they'll never get their money! Take all your possessions? You don't own anything!" Good point mom. [I accidentally just typed "you don't know anything," which I think might work as well}) but even though I have my own problems, I also don't have anyone else dependent on me and if NSP can live her life and take care of a kid then fuck, I should at least be able to get through the day, right? So thanks, NSP, for inadvertently giving me a reason to blog.

And on to other things:

In the attempt to get to work on time this morning I rushed down the subway stairs all the while chastising myself for forgetting about the meeting I was supposed to be attending in 10 minutes and while these thoughts were going through my head I slammed right into the subway entrance turnstile. I was practically running. Did you know those things don't turn until you pay? Apparently I didn't. I turned around slightly and noticed three women standing near the subway booth (I don't know why) smiling/laughing at me. While pulling out my metrocard I looked right at them, said "Yes, I am stupid," swiped it and walked in.