some problems

It's funny how little things can still upset me so completely. Not so much funny "ha ha" more funny "psycho."

I just received a "thanks but no thanks" email from my pilates instructor concerning my pilates notes. The book of exercise notes she gave my "class" was written a while ago by her husband and she didn't like the way it was done. She noticed that I had been retyping all of the notes in a better format and adding notes from the DVDs she had given us. She mentioned she was interested in buying either my notes or another girl's. So I sent off my notes for her to look at and she just emailed me saying she's going with the other girl's. Now, normally that would only hurt a little bit but here's the thing. I've trained with this other girl and while she's training me she keeps consulting her notes but can't figure out what they're referring to. For instance, we'd be doing an exercise and she'd read "reach arms overhead for stretch" and she would say, "Hmm, I don't know if that means behind you or to the ceiling or what. Let's try some different things." And we did and I didn't feel a stretch so obviously her notes weren't helping. I deliberately made my notes explicitly clear so that if you couldn't exactly remember how an exercise was to be accomplished it would tell you. I don't see the point of using notes that don't make any sense. But her notes were apparently almost verbatim from the DVDs which I'll admit I didn't do because my instructor doesn't cover everything in the DVDs and rambles a lot. Anyway, the rejection just hurt and the thing is it hurt way more than it should have. That's not even much of a rejection but I really went temporarily crazy-hate in my head. Literally, it was like rage was coming out every pore of my skin. I should probably work on that with my therapist. (Who still doesn't exist sooo...I'm done!)