some things

I am a mess right now. I broke down crying last night for no clear reason (no single clear reason anyway) and I feel like I need to cry again. I'm just kind of freaking out about things and have become way too sensitive. I came into my desk job this morning to catch an education performance and happened to see my boss who said hello. But she said it in a way that made me think maybe she was mad at me. Then I spent most of the performance worrying that somebody at my job read this blog and told her I was thinking about quitting and she got mad for my not telling her myself. But then I tried calming down by reminding myself that I'm not doing anything bad or wrong by thinking about quitting. I've been thinking about quitting for nearly two years, it's just that now I'm a little more serious. Still though, I don't like feeling like I'm hiding something and though I'm not actually hiding anything my sense of guilt, even when it's imagined, can be pretty overwhelming. Hence the crying and anxiety.

Also, I told Parfait that we should move in together. We're going to talk about it.

Also, the weather is all faccacted (how am I supposed to spell that, I don't even care enough to figure it out) and that's probably not helping.

Whew. Right now I'm pretty much wasting time at my job even though I'm not even scheduled to be here. I need to go to the bank and should probably get some food before I have to go teach but really, I just need some safety right now. I'd like to go somewhere and knit but it's pretty rainy outside so that's probably not going to happen. After crying last night I sat up, grabbed some needles, frogged my work because I thought of a better way to go and started over. I was knitting almost frantically and might have worried Parfait. But it really did help calm me down. And the rows looked pretty good so no harm done.

A note on the new format: I was thinking about going over to Wordpress but after actually creating a new blog over there, transferring all my old posts and spending nearly an hour and a half trying to manipulate one of their themes to my liking I decided Blogger handled personal touches better. Wordpress might have some better themes but it's seems much harder to sneak in your own html code and I finally gave up. So I started playing with a new theme on Blogger instead. It's still a work in progress. I mean, there's not a whole lot I can do but at least I can do something.