Not quite as cool

Erin posted a list of all her past boyfriends so I thought I'd post one too...the problem being I've never dated anyone long enough to really call them a boyfriend so here's a list of the people i've slept with who might have been potential boyfriends but never went anywhere

Manny
He was my first kiss...ever. I'm glad it was with a boy. I thought he was totally fun and hot until I got to know him. Once we got in a two hour arguement about saying hello to people on the street. He's from the east coast and the last time I talked to him he was telling me how his current boyfriend's cum tastes like candy.

Matt or Brad or Gary or I don't know what
I dated him my freshman year of college (in Salt Lake). He wasn't at all my type (way to short and young) and he worked in a bagel store.

Christopher
Christopher was way cool and nice and had really nice eyes and a cute smile. I really liked him but one night we slept together and we started fooling around while watching "Heavenly Creatures." We were totally making out during the part where they kill her mother. After that we had sex in his room while his dog was in his cage...in his room. That was weird and I felt dirty and gross when I woke up the next morning. That was that.

Jonathan
Jonathan was really sexy and had a way nice butt. Jonathan was also a total prick. He pissed me off but I always wanted to sleep with him. And so I did. It was good, but I'm glad that's over.

Ben
Ben was the best. He was smart and cute and sexy and funny. I had the best time with him. Alas, I only got to spend one weekend with him. I miss Ben the most. Ben was one of the best things about my trip to San Francisco.

Randall
Randall was 41 years old. I was lonely.

Alan
Alan was 19. We're still sort of seeing each other although we don't sleep together anymore so that's all right best beloved, do you see?

The Devil
I actually only slept with him in my dream the other day but he was certainly the best by far. The Devil has absolutely no inhibitions in bed and he'll do whatever he wants. It was great. And he's a way cool guy, he's totally mellow and relaxed and pretty cynical. We hung out for a while.

Ol' Nuts
Finally A told H off (I think because I blew up at A and told him I couldn't listen to him bitch about H anymore and it's high time he did something about it). The last straw was when A opened the hall closet and the bathroom garbage fell on him. Apparently H didn't take out the garbage like A thought, he merely put it in the closet without tying the top so when A opened the door all these old kleenexes and q-tips fell on his pants. As a form of retaliation for being yelled at by A H took everything in the kitchen that was his and wrote his name on it in big black sharpie. I can't really figure out why he did this because A eating H's food wasn't the problem, it was the other way around. So maybe he's labelling his food so he always knows which box of rice krispies is his so he won't eat A's, we all know how hard it is to keep track of what you've bought the past week. "Boy, I don't remember buying ingredients for a cake or even making one but I guess I must have because look, there's one right in my fridge. It must be mine."

Now that my paper's not due until Wednesday I didn't read any articles today. I just smoked and played video games. My life is completely fulfilling, so shut up.

my roommate is hot

Anyways (I love adding the 's') Margaret and I got a kitty. We adopted her yesterday. She's a blackish manx and about three months old. Her name is Alex (even though I wanted to name her Xiao but Margaret said that was too hard to say but she is Margaret's cat so) and she took a long nap on my belly yesterday afternoon. And of course I didn't do any of my homework because, duh, we have a cute little muffin cat.

Hooray!
I skipped ballet class again! It's been a whole week. At least I went to barre and actually learned our first center floor combination before running away. That counts for something right? While we were learning center floor I kept edging toward the door. I'm sneaky, even though I think just about the whole class expects me to leave.

I went to college. I have a philosophy. Plus I'm real smart-like.

Life is fragile, exposed and dangerous. As sentient beings, humans continually explore the uncertainty of life. We create new means to express our investigations believing that in the act of expression we will gain new knowledge. Self-identity and group-identity are two mysterious concepts in life; one?s inner growth and exterior environment constantly affect them. How do we perceive ourselves? How do others perceive us? The way we move, how we speak, every action we take informs others of our being. In the very act of living we open ourselves to criticism. We modify our actions with the need to conform, to be accepted. But when our adjustments conflict with our inner awareness a rift appears. A frantic struggle ensues between our individuality and our need of acceptance, a struggle that may last a lifetime. Life begins pure but soon becomes complex; the price of ignoring the complexities of life is isolation. The Seeds of Before is an exploration in creating an individual identity within a structured society. This choreographic work is fueled by the concept that we are not independent beings; our actions are influenced and often dictated by outside forces, whether we are conscious of it or not.

Here's proof that I'm cool. The title for my student concert piece is:

"untitled"
or
You know, literal bodies in a layman's world.


Now how could you have ever doubted my coolness?

I cleaned my room the other day (including vacuuming) and wow does it smell great. That made me feel pretty pathetic. Who knew vacuuming actually did anything?

Don't you love it when you're an idiot. So I borrowed my boss' car on Monday (to drive to my therapist's office no less, where I was planning to cry a lot) and was backing up when I suddenly heard this loud cracking sound. I hadn't even gone fifteen feet yet...and I already ruined his car. I was too close to this car parked behind and to the left so when I pulled out the driver's side mirror on my boss' car got smashed right off when it scraped against the other car. Luckily I only hit the spare tire on the other car (it was an SUV where the spare tire hangs on the back) so it was fine. But it's going to cost about $300 to fix the mirror on my boss' car. I love myself. So to treat myself for being such an idiot I went to the store and bought a box of Trix, a box of Cookie Crisp, a log of frozen cookie dough (I'll eat anything in log form), some Luna bars (you know, 'cause I like to stay healthy) and four pints of Haagen Dazs. Oh, and I missed my therapy appointment.

And now my kitties are gone. I don't know where they went. Perhaps they realized that I like puppies more and were offended. Come back kitties!
Why are panels on gay issues so terrible? And why would I want to listen to a bunch of people talk about stuff I already know to a bunch of other people who also already know it? Huh?

Last night I woke up around 3:27 giggling. I suddenly thought of this really funny saying that I could put on my blog and maybe finally be as funny as my sister. It was something along the lines of, "Leave me alone you idiotic eunuch!" I don't think this is so funny anymore. More just...stupid.

And one quickie. I don't think I'll be dating "that guy" (as Ida calls him) much longer. I hadn't seen him for a couple of days because I said I needed some "me" time and the very next time we were in his car together I wanted to punch him. I took that as a bad sign. I couldn't wait to get out of the car. But when I did he started to come inside with me. "Umm, I think I'd like to be alone tonight." His response, "Oh yeah, I know, I could tell, I just need to use your bathroom." Okay. But the very next day when he dropped me off at home he came in again even though I was being really quiet and kind of ignoring him. Then he just sat on the floor until I finally told him it was "Margaret and Ian time." "I know, that's why I didn't take my coat off." Okay so, if you know that you need to leave why are you waiting for me to tell you and make us both feel awkward? Why don't you just go? But now I feel guitly. He's nice but we're in really different places. And besides, I still have a crush on someone else, goddamn it.

Okay, I finally sort of made my blog sight sort of like look how I wanted. I know I keep changing it but it's not like anyone is really looking at this except for Gillian and Erin. I chose this template because Margaret and I might get a kitty soon. I wanted a white Manx but I guess they're pretty expensive and it would have to be shipped out to us from Pennsylvania. Forget it. I'm still not sure how to get my header bold but I'll work on it later.

I need some outside validation. College is about drinking and skipping class right. So is it okay for me to skip my film class and just do home. Yeah, it's only once a week but it's for four fucking hours. And I didn't go last week. How about this: if I do lots of homework for my writing class, looking up sources and whatnot, I can skip film and go home. Is that okay? Isn't everybody else at college skipping class? How come I have to go? I'll still pass...probably.

Yea! I bought a flask the other day. Now I can drink a lot too. I figured I'd fill it full of vodka and take sips during my relhearsals when I want to cry or scream or KILL. Alcohol makes the world look better, why not my choreography.

Hooray! I skipped ballet class today! Want to know my new catch phrase that I say at least 300 times every ballet class? The one that I say loud and cheerily to help keep myself from crying because I hate every second I have to plie?

"I'm a fucking moron!"

Yeah!