second thoughts

Here's baby's first...

piece of ugly.

What the hell is that? I taught myself how to crochet a few days ago and thought for my first project I'd make a baby blanket for my new niece. So I hooked up a swatch just to see what different patterns looked like and, well, you saw the result. Now, I know the colors are pretty hideous together so maybe it's just the yarn but the more I crochet the more I'm reminded of ugly blankets that my grandmother used to have. Now, I loved my grandmother but wasn't enamoured with her sense of taste. Crocheting also reminds me of doilies that my aunts made and do I really want to introduce a brand new child to that? No. I'm starting to think that crocheting is the ghetto man's knitting. I wanted to crochet a giant heart in the middle of the blanket and while I know exactly how to do that with knitting I was told it would be better to overlay a heart on a crocheted blanket rather than try to incorporate it directly into the pattern. Bah! So many drawbacks. I'm going to try to crochet a new swatch with some better yarn and see if I change my mind but don't hold your breath. On the plus side, crocheting is less conspicious than knitting so while I still might be getting fucked on the subway, perhaps I can still pass as straight as long as I only have that hook in my hand instead of two needles. Because obviously 2=gay.

a new chapeau

Guess what?

I got a new haircut!

And maybe my sister had a baby or something.

Thank you Isaac for the crown and Kansas for the pic.

sage words

I emailed my mother one of those pictures of me in my hat. She loved it, of course. At the end of a recent email she sent, she referenced the picture once again with these parting words:

"You really are handsome. Really. Not that appearances matter, but... better lovely than not."

Yeah. Thank god.

it's natural

Last night during a Pilates session my client, in the middle of and while continuing to perform an exercise, suddenly stated, "You smell like pot."

"Wh-what?" I didn't know how else to respond. I assured her I was not high nor would I ever come to a session stoned. I didn't tell her that I actually hadn't smoked anything for months, I didn't think that would necessarily help my case. She knew that I wasn't high yet nevertheless, still thought I smelled like pot. She asked if I used any sort of special deodorant or toothpaste and I told her that I did use the Crystal. She figured that's what it was. She wasn't smelling pot, she was smelling me. I also didn't tell her that I hadn't even used the Crystal that day and had gotten pretty sweaty earlier in a ballet class. I told her I'd take care of it by our next session. That means it's time to shave my armpits again. I think her idea of the smell of pot is the same as grungy man sweat. So the next time you want a buzz just lick off my sweat, it's a great high. Or so Parfait tells me. Ugh. Did I mention we're back together?

me

I still don't know if I'm allergic or just getting sick. My throat has been hurting a little more lately but I've mostly only eaten peanut butter cups and Tostitos today so who can say the reason?

I will say that I slept soundly and warmly in my new hat.

Who's that guy?


It's me! Pasty anorexic face and all. When did that happen?


Just in case you missed it.


Awesome.


Those bunnies must be warm, yo. I walked outside today and it was mass windy but in my hat my head was toasty warm. And the yarn is so light I barely feel like I'm wearing it at all. Aren't bunnies the best? They're so precious. Way more precious than babies (cough).

In other news there's a sexy new guy starting the Pilates training program at the studio I work at in Brooklyn. I had to train him on front desk procedure this morning and totally got all gazy at his eyes. Or maybe more at his lips. He's German and a dancer. He has a sexy accent that I can still understand and danced with Pina Bausch for three years. Now I'm more jealous than infatuated. But of course he has a boyfriend. Sigh. That's fine.

unbelievable

I don't believe it. I was happy yesterday. Actually, genuinely, unexpectedly happy! Do you know what that feels like? Neither do I, 'cause it's gone now. But for a brief moment I did have that lovely experience. It came at the end of my Alexander technique lesson. I had been lying on a table for about 25 minutes having my limbs and muscles mysteriously and wonderfully manipulated and when I stood up, I couldn't help but smile. And this was a teeth-showing grin. For no reason other than that I was happy. Then I walked outside in the blistering cold and had some guy yell at me to donate money. That took a bit of it away.

In other news, I'm knitting a new hat and it's made out of bunny fur. It's so soft and lovely and furry. My throat has also been hurting lately. So my question is, am I getting sick or am I allergic to this yarn? I've already been pretty sick once this winter so I don't think it'd be fair to get sick again but I also don't want to have to get rid of my knitting. If it turns out I'm allergic then I just wasted about $45, but if I'm getting sick then I'll have to figure out how to get more sleep, in my new cute hat. Maybe I should stop rubbing it against my face every 10 minutes and stop eating brownie batter for dinner. Though that solution seems too obvious.

And in other other news, in my morning smoothie yesterday I used a lot of frozen strawberries. Then, a few hours later when I farted it smelled like strawberries. Stanky strawberries, but strawberries none the less. I swear. Now I can honestly say that my farts smell better than yours. But they do not bring all the boys to the yard. Or at least not the right kind of boy.

yrack yurk grrnap

That's pretty much how I feel today.

Things started off okay. Or maybe they didn't if you take yesterday's dinner (brownies and lime chips) into consideration. But I was prepared today. I had my fruit smoothie in one bottle, my fresh vegetable juice in another, three pieces of fruit (an apple, an orange and an Asian pear) and a sandwich made with sprouted bread and freshly ground almond and cashew nut butter with honey. I carried two bags, one with all my food, dance clothes and books and another with my knitting (I'm starting a new hat). See? Things should have gone well.

I taught a regular Pilates client this morning then had a new client. I spent way too much time being specific with him and not enough time actually making him work. He told me one of his goals was to lose weight and I honestly said that Pilates probably wouldn't do that for him. I ended up recommending that he work with another trainer if that were his goal. So he cancelled his remaining appointments with me and set some up with other people. All fine, whatever, I was being honest. But then on my way to the train I ran into the studio owner. On hearing what I'd said she good-naturedly chastised me for shooting myself in the foot and passing on clients to other trainers. She suggested other, much better things I could have said and of course I'm still learning but I still felt stupid. I just lost a client and not only did I lose him, I gave him away. It's more than just that though, I've just really been feeling like I don't have much strength in teaching Pilates. I don't know how to change that.

Then I got to work and made some stupid mistakes.

And what am I going to eat tomorrow? I feel like I go grocery shopping like, every day. It's really tiring. And my room is a horrible mess.

And I ended things with Parfait, even though we're having tea on Friday night. To talk some more.

I'm sorry I'm so whiny, I just can't help it.

Here's the blog post I meant to type up yesterday.

I always eat and brush my teeth before I get in the shower. That's how I do it and that's how it should be done. You see, if you brush your teeth before you shower when you wash your face you'll get any touches of toothpaste that may be on your lips. But if you brush your teeth after you shower, you might get some toothpaste foam on your face even when you rinse it off unless it's thoroughly scrubbed that stuff with stay there and dry out your skin all day.

But sometimes I spit a little extra out in the shower, just to make sure absolutely everything is out. Yesterday when showering I bent over and put some shampoo in my hand and at the same time spit out some saliva. I was on autopilot so it didn't quite sink in that I accidentally spit into my hand then immediately started massaging my scalp. Whatever. My hair kind of sucks right now anyway, so maybe a spit shine is just what it needs.