lose weight now, ask me how!

You will need:

1 low paying job
3 senses of impending dread (life, love, money)
1 commitment that forces you to go to the gym
1 obsessive need to exercise
a healthy dose of low self-esteem
and lots and lots of natural aversion to food

It's so easy!*

A while ago I was tabulating all my expenses over the past few months (because my job is dull and I'm not going to work to make it better), trying to figure out if I could move (it turns out I can't, but that's another post that will never be). I discovered that since January I've spent almost the exact same amount on food every month, like, within a few dollars. And I don't plan my meals or budget when it comes to food. I mean, I don't actively budget, I just let my impending sense of dread, related to money, dictate when and what I eat. And apparently it keeps me on the mark. I thought this was pretty impressive until tarak pointed out that it might only mean that I eat the exact same thing every month. And she was right. That certainly turned this exciting phenomenon into a bland happenstance. The end.

Better go get on the treadmill.

*ice cream, brownie batter or smores are not valid substitutes for or add ins to the above ingredients