I want to break things

Trying to teach yourself a new knitting technique by following seemingly vague instructions with absolutely no pictures using the smallest needles you've ever held, all at 1 in the morning can be fucking frustrating!

Luckily I found this video that explains the first step of the technique I'm trying to learn. Of course she's using giant aluminum needles and loose knitting so it looks easy. Whereas I'm using teeny bamboo needles with extra tight tension.

not quite grammar but

I've been continuing my thoughts on the body lately, specifically my body and specifically symmetry in the body. In an attempt to sort out possible lopsidedness caused by habits I've started doing things with my left hand, my non-dominant hand.  Things like opening my bag, getting my keys and unlocking my door, zipping my jeans or stirring food and also...taking care of personal hygiene. I've started wiping with my left hand.  One of my instructors even talked about this the other day. If you spend your whole like twisting and bending to one side of your body that certainly going to cause an imbalance even if you're not immediately aware of it. So I've tried to switch things up.  Have you tried this before? It's hard! I've taken to taking one last swipe with my right hand just to make sure because if I learned one thing in school it's the importance of double-checking your work.

things keep changing

I've been trying to go on an ice cream fast lately. I was going to say ice cream diet but now that I've typed both it seems that the same problem exists no matter which way you say it. I don't mean to say I'm eating only ice cream, though how wonderful woud that be? but that I'm not eating any ice cream. It's only been going moderately well but considering that I had been eating practically a pint a night the rate I'm down to now is pretty promising.

I've also decided to give up porn. It's like a battle of addictions within me!  Is this a bad idea to give up two addictions at once? Or will I go crazy and some late night just lube up with a cup of soft serve? Should I phase one addiction out and just give in to the other or try to go cold turkey on both? Maybe I'm just trying to justify eating ice cream. I really really want some!

trial

Parfait and I are going through a trial of no TV for a week.  It started Monday.  I unplugged our TV and put it on top of a bureau, screen turned away.  I felt like we kept coming home and automatically turning on the TV.  We'd usually end up watching Food Network, which I do think is pretty fun but at the same time, not necessary.  As a concession I plug in the TV each night before going to bed so that Parfait can turn on the Today Show in the morning, it's how he starts his morning.  He doesn't ever really watch it that much, it's more to set his time by.  And he's stressed enough at work right now that I didn't push it.  The only other time we can pull the TV back out is if we're going to watch a movie.  Hulu though is still an option but that's harder to pull out and just have on.  We only go to Hulu if, again, we have something specific to watch. I was a little worried that I'm obsessed with creating trials that will test our relationship but maybe that's okay.  If we don't have anything to talk about without TV then I'd rather know that now.  Things have been okay so far. I've turned the radio on a lot more, which still isn't just quiet but at least doesn't have commercials.  And it's reminded me how much to use to listen to NPR and I miss it.  Plus I heard some great music the other night.  We'll see how the rest of the week goes.  I suggested only seven days but I'm hoping that when next Monday comes around I'll be able to push for a month.  Breaking my addictions one at a time.  What's next? My computer?  Ice cream?  Those might be too powerful.

still good

When I was younger my sister and liked to play the Bad Choreography game.  It's pretty simple, just dance around and try to emote through movement as much intense feeling as you can.  It's almost guaranteed to be bad choreography.  That's kind of what it looks like Kate Bush is doing.  And yet, it works wonderfully.  She's going against so many things I learned about choreography in school but she sells it and believes it.  If I had seen all those ballerinas in college dancing with this conviction I probably would have scoffed less.

one month later

And once again I'm blogging during President Obama's speech. I sat listening to it for about 20 minutes but just kept getting more and more jittery and nervous. I've decided to keep listening but relieve some of the tension by remembering there are still great things in life.

Like France in the Winter!



Like a Mobile Haircut Salon!



Like Fixing It Yourself!



Like Cold Stone Apartments!



Like Knitting on New Year's Eve!



Like Family!



All of the above pictures are from a trip Parfait and I took last December to visit my mom in Les Plantiers, France. Les Plantiers is a tiny town in the mountains of southern France.

Here's the bridge into town.



And here's the town.



That street may go in the opposite direction as well but that's about it. Seriously, only 40-50 people live in the entire place and my mom is one of them. That picture above is my mom's younger French boyfriend (ooh la la) fixing his hot water heater. He didn't exactly know what he was doing and ended up with the obligatory extra piece when he finished but when he turned on the hot water in his faucet that thing fired up pretty amazingly.

The view from the bridge.



And another from under the bridge, of the second bridge in town.



Apparently in the summer they dam the river farther down and the water backs up to this point and people go swimming and boating in it. Awesome. If you look on the right you can see someone's laundry hanging out to dry. Even though it was nearly freezing out I saw lots of laundry. It takes more time but saves a lot on running (or buying) a dryer, which is frickin' expensive there.

We barely did anything while we were there but I loved it. It was pretty chilly in my mom's apartment. Most places don't have any insulation, they just have thick stone walls. My mom had only recently put insulation in the attic of her building which helped keep all the heat from escaping out the roof but nevertheless it was still chilly. My mom often used the word "toasty" to describe her apartment while I chose "uncomfortable" and Parfait was heard to exclaim, "it's fucking freezing in here!" I only took off my sweater and scarf combo once (besides going to bed) and that was after I had been sitting in front of a wood stove for like, 2 hours. That was toasty.

Our days mostly consisted of getting up, drinking coffee or hot chocolate while eating lots of good baked products; braving the bathroom (which was not insulated at all); going for short cold walks; beginning the slow process of cooking dinner on the wood stove; then eating dinner, drinking and talking. It was great.

Speaking of drinking, we were introduced to a great liquor called Cartagene. It's 83% first pressed juice from wine grapes and 17% alcohol. It's tasty and sweet but not too. We created a new drink we called New Year's Tradition which consists of 2 parts Champagne to 1 part Cartagene. Many were drunk on New Year's eve. What's particularly great not only about this drink but about lots of wine in this area is that you can buy giant plastic cubes of the stuff then just refill your own bottles. I think this is like a 5 liter cube.



You just take this home, pop on a spout then refill a bottle.



My mom had a empty wine cube the trunk of her car that I think was 10 liters. You take that to the winery and can refill it with a hose. And the wine is pretty good too.

My mom's apartment was awesome and completely French. Every room had a large heavy wood door complete with large metal key. Every door needed to stay shut all the time to help keep in the heat. This is the entrance door into my mom's apartment. I don't know, I was just trying to give a sense of proportion.



So being there was pretty great. It was relaxing and quiet and just what I needed to get away from New York. After about 5 days in Les Plantiers Parfait and I took a train up to Paris. Paris was pretty beautiful too but was totally crowded and super cold as well. Before we left Les Plantiers my mom gave me a giant scarf she knit (and I finished, as seen above) which was lucky because otherwise I would have frozen.

My favorite part of Paris was the Musée d'Orsay. This museum is breathtaking and is housed in an old railway station with a giant glass roof. I saw an amazing painting by Winslow Homer titled Summer Night.



It was stunning. I stood in front of it for at least 7 minutes. Of course an internet jpeg doesn't do it justice. There was just something so amazing about it, I couldn't figure it out. It wasn't that it was so real like a photograph but it was still more than a painting. Parfait had to clarify what I was thinking. The painting was like a dream. Not like a painting of a dream but as if you were directly looking at someone's dream they were having right then. It had a profound effect on me.

My not favorite part of Paris was being vegetarian. French cooking is very meat friendly. There was many a time that Parfait and I ended up walking around for over an hour looking for a place to eat that served something I could eat, other than a green salad. I'll just let you know, I ate a lot of pizzas, a lot of green salads anyway and drank a lot of coffee, because I knew how to order all of that and could be sure I wouldn't find greasy bacon pieces hiding in my food (or so I thought, that's exactly what I did find in a goat cheese salad I ordered). I didn't eat enough crepes or pastries, not nearly enough. The best crepe I ate though had cheese, spinach and honey in it. I wasn't sure what to think but really, it was so good.

I don't have any pictures of Paris because Parfait and I don't own a camera. Lame. The picture of Les Plantiers were all taken with my mom's boyfriend's camera. And that was the end of our trip. I love wood stoves.

physiolowhat?

As I'm waiting for Barack Obama's speech I'm sitting in front of my computer letting out little stinkers because, you know what, cigarettes give me gas. Yes, I bought a pack of cigarettes the other day, I was depressed and mad, and I smoked one this morning and totally forgot that for some reason they give me gas. Why would that be? They only seem to give me gas when I smoke on an empty stomach too. I find that odd. And I feel pretty gross when I smoke them but I've just accepted the fact that I have them and have smoked some and I'm not going to beat myself up about it, I'm just not going to buy any more.

I'm sorry I still haven't posted anything about Winter France Trip 08/09. I have the pictures ready, I've just been too lazy to type something up about it. Here's a preview, it was taken from my mom's bedroom window.



It was great.

answer

Here's a more explicit clue.

Ta da! Yes that's the same yarn.  Such is the terribleness of cell phone pictures.

challenge

All right miss Tara, since you're so smart, can you tell what I'm making?

I'll give you a hint: I'm frickin' cold!

new blog

Hey everybody, my mom has a second blog.  Yes, it's still about Frenchy French stuff.  Give it a look-see.

http://yourfrenchlife.synthasite.com

guess what

I have a new old haircut.  Or an old new haircut.  Whatever.

This was a hard decision.  I didn't really have the money for a good haircut and what's the point of a bad haircut.  I mean, my hair already looked crappy.  Did I need it to look crappy and short? So out came the clippers.  I'm hoping that by the time my hair grows back I'll be able to afford a professional.  We'll see.  I was a little hesitant since I'll be seeing my mom soon for Thanksgiving and she always likes it when I actually have hair.  She thinks I look fine with a shaved head but of course likes hair more.  I wouldn't usually think that's such a big deal except for that since my mom now lives in France I haven't seen her for nearly a year and it'd be nice to be able to do little things to make her happy.  Oh well, I'd better knit her a hat or something to make up for it.  Get it? No hair=new hat.

Just this morning my last remaining client at the Pilates studio in Brooklyn told me today was going to be our last session, at least until his wife gets a new job or he gets a better one.  I was bummed because I've been working with him for about a year and half and he's great. I'm not totally freaking out about money right now but I might be soon.  But then I'll just be in the same boat as half the nation so nothing special there.

So here's the explanation of my last post.  I got the new antibiotics from the pharmacy and haven't had any negative reactions, at least none that I'm aware of.  But last Friday I decided to go to the dentist just to make sure that nothing was wrong with my teeth.  Lauren A. recommended the Ryan Center, which I must say was pretty great (thanks Lauren).  When I first walked in the front desk was a little snooty but I think they were just super busy.  The Ryan Center has a sliding scale fee which was great for me since I don't have a steady income.  The dentist took some x-rays of my jaw and told me that yep, I'll need to have a root canal done on my upper back molar and maybe even on the one next to it.  But his more immediate concern was the infected abscess in my mouth. I was aware of some swelling but I just figured my jaw was swollen from the sinus infection. He referred me to the emergency room at St. Luke's hospital which was about 20 blocks away.  I walked on up and was quickly sent to the dental department since they were closing soon. The surgeon numbed me up first then punctured and drained of the abscess of "quite a bit of puss." Awesome.  Let me tell you, the draining didn't hurt so much but getting that needle stuck in that swelling to numb it hurt like hell.  It was stuck in there for a good 10 seconds (I counted), twice! It really really hurt.

Anyway, the oral surgeon agreed that I would need a root canal or a tooth extraction.  He set up another appointment for me that's a week away in case I wanted to get it done there.  I think he could only extract my tooth and not do the root canal, it was a little unclear and I was a bit woozy. But he said I was welcome to cancel the appointment if I decided to go to Columbia, which is where the dentist at the Ryan Center referred me.

That was my day Friday.  And the best part: everyone was so nice!  Seriously.  The cashier desk at the Ryan Center was nice, the receptionist for the dentist was nice, the dental assistant and dentist were nice, the guy doing my intake at the emergency room guessed my last name was Danish and talked to me about how beautiful Denmark is, the woman filling out my info and income at the hospital chatted with me about the economy and our new president, the woman who took my x-rays at the hospital joked with me about my earrings because I couldn't take them out and they showed up on the x-ray and the oral surgeon was understanding about my wincing when plunging in that needle.  I was really amazed.  I could have had a supremely horrible experience but I didn't.  And I really believe it's because how great everyone was.  I think there might be a lesson here.

And does anyone know why the formatting of my posts is all wonky? See how the paragraphs of this post are all like single spaced but the ones in the post two down are like 1.5 or even double spaced?  What's up with that? Is it because I'm creating this one on my Mac with Safari Inconsistent formatting drives me nuts.

update

I have two words:

oral abscess

Two phrases:

root canal

tooth extraction

And one sentence:

What the f**k?

Details to come.

ongoing

If you were at my apartment last Sunday and thought I was acting a little strange there was a reason for it.  I had a bunch of ibuprofen and decongestants floating around in my body in an effort to counteract the intense pain all along the right side of my face.  And it probably seemed odd that I kept disappearing for minutes at a time.  Well, I was going into the bedroom and doing headstands, that helped the pain too.  I finally went to a doctor yesterday and she thought I probably have a sinus infection, or that something is terrible wrong with my teeth.  I can't believe how long I've been sick and then right when I think I'm better my face starts to feel like someone's crushing it from the inside.  I've been using my neti pot like 3 times a day which at first helped but now I don't notice a difference. Anyway, I got a prescription for antibiotics which I started taking last night but about two hours after taking the first one my face started to itch, then turn red.  Then the rest of my body also turned red and itched like hell.  Needless to say I didn't take the next dose this morning. I called the doctor's office and am now waiting for them to get back to me.  Either they'll call in a different prescription or I'll have to go back in and see someone again.  And all this pain has kept me from eating the delicious cake in the fridge!  Is life not unfair?!

super sneak

A little while ago my sister texted me Meet the Bear in Istanbul.  I didn't immediately know what that meant so didn't pay attention.  Later, while washing dishes, it ran through my head again and for a moment and I thought, Wait, what if Ida has really been a spy all these years and she's been attacked and sent me this special code that one of her allies will come asking for later but then they'll have to kill me so that the enemy doesn't get it.  She's sentenced me to death! How could she do this to me?! So I quickly sat down at my computer to blog about it.  Now you know too.  If I die in a "car crash" or "elevator mishap" it was no accident!  Avenge me!  Meet the Bear in Istanbul!

Okay, I know I was being crazy for a moment.  I thought that I would google the phrase and it would turn out to be some children's book or something but so far the only results I'm getting are for gay bath houses (particularly serving "bears") in Istanbul.  My first thought was true!  Avenge me!

I got her back though.  I responded Put a snap on the grouch bag! Let's see how long she lasts knowing that one.  Hah.

fame

There's a movie being shown on TV right now called The Little Vampire. (I first thought it was The Littlest Vampire, which really would be even worse.) No, I'm not actually watching it and no, I did not immediately know the title, I had to look it up.  The only reason I paused while flipping channels was because this character popped up.

It's Alice Krige; I had to look that up too. Why did I recognize her? And why did I have a good feeling about her? She's done something that in the past that I liked. What was it? Was it a recent appearance on Dirty, Sexy, Money? I guess I might have seen that. From her role on Deadwood? Hmm, I wasn't really into that show, everyone's smile was much too sparkling white to be living in the old West. Ahh, Children of Dune as Lady Jessica Atreides. That's more my style, that's probably

No, wait!  Aha, jackpot!

The Borg Queen in Star Trek: First Contact. Totally. She was awesome. And also: hot. I'd be pretty tempted to let her assimilate me.

Update: The Little Vampire is not making any sense, or it's just stupid, take your pick. I can't believe so many people worked on this movie. Also, the ending credits are to the song Iko Iko. Alice Krige, I promise to always remember you as a powerful Medusa-like cyborg and not as an aging aristocratic vampire.

Update 2: I'm still sick, which is why I'm watching terrible television.

dancy pants

Well, I'm sick again. I know, who's surprised? Blah.

But in other news: I just sent off an email to a New York ballet teacher asking if she offers private lessons. Many of you may be confused by this considering my turbulent past with ballet. Well, I was starting to think that maybe I hated ballet so much (not only because it's so stultifying) because I really never understood it very well. I was always just struggling through class, trying to keep up with these combinations that didn't make any sense. I feel like I only started to really get into my body when I started taking private Alexander Technique and private Pilates lessons so why do I keep thinking about group dance classes? Privates are the way to go! And maybe I'll actually learn that I hated ballet all those years for a pretty good reason, who knows? This might not even be a possibility. She may not offer private lessons or she may be prohibitively expensive. I mean, I don't have much of a job right now so what am I doing? But whatever.

Part of the reason I even sent that email is because I saw a dance performance last night at BAM with music by Steve Reich and choreography by Anne Teresa De Keersmaeker. I thought it was great. First of all, how awesome is Steve Reich? He totally confuses and excites me. There was one piece that was played by two people on two xylophones (I'm pretty sure they were xylophones, too small to be marimbas but bigger [and wooden] that what you might be imagining) and I could barely connect the music I was hearing to movement of the musicians' mallets. It was like they were silently striking the instruments and it just so happened that this cascade of music was happening at the same time. I love how at the beginning of a Reich piece I always feel confident. "Okay, I can hear the notes that I see him hitting, I'm following along pretty well." But then suddenly someone else joins in and I get totally lost. It's pretty fun. I was also in the mezzanine so that could have been affecting my vision but you know, the principle still remains.

Anyway, back to that email. Not only did I think the music was awesome, I also (gasp) thought the dancing was pretty good too. It looked fun (and hard), and I thought, you know, I miss dancing but I can't just go back to class, all that ever did was frustrate me. Hence: private lessons. I'll let you know if there's any progress. We'll see.

yesterday?

Did you watch the debate last night? Will you explain something to me because I really don't get it. When did nuclear energy become 'clean?' Have I just been totally in the dark and missed that someone actually found a way to reduce nuclear waste and then convert it into something that doesn't harm everything it touches? If so, that's awesome! Somehow though, I don't think that's happened. So when did it become 'clean?' When we finally acknowledged that we need to cut our dependence on oil and that nuclear energy won't harm the atmosphere? Does that actually make it clean? Are we now calling it clean out of desperation, ignoring how harmful it is to other aspects of the environment? Please fill me in.

(And as a side note, just because you might have been on a ship that had a nuclear reactor and nothing dangerous happened [like it exploding or something] does not mean that it was safe. I regularly drive home drunk and have not had one accident. So following that logic, driving drunk is safe.* Okay, I acknowledge that's a stupid analogy, but you get my point.)

*I do not drive while drunk. And if I ever did I sure wouldn't try to convince anyone that it was 'safe.' I just take the subway drunk, now that's safe, particularly when it's powered with its own nuclear reactor.

indecision

Remember that 1 resume I sent a while ago?  Well, I had an interview for that job (which went okay) and the Pilates coordinator said she would email me with her decision right after Labor Day.  This gym/studio was looking for a few different teachers and a friend of mine applied there too.  Well, my friend received a job offer by email the Wednesday after Labor Day and I waited, and waited, and waited and by the next Monday I still hadn't heard from the coordinator so I figured that was my answer.  Oh well, right?  I figured that that just meant that that wasn't the place for me and I moved on.  Except for last Friday night I received an email from the coordinator offering me a position if I was still interested.  Ah, what to do?!  I had already convinced myself that that wasn't the place for me but now there's the opportunity for me to work there.  Fuck.  I was supposed to go out to Fire Island this weekend and wouldn't have had internet access so I didn't respond right away, pretending (in my head) that I hadn't read the email and would get to it Monday evening (when I would have come back from the island, if I had gone).  I've been going back and forth over this and I finally just sent an email saying I've decided to pursue other teaching options.  At least I made a choice and now I'm done but it was still hard.  Was it the right decision?  I don't know.  How do you ever know if your decision is the best?  I'm not going to go into the pros and cons of my decision; I'm glad it's been made. Now I'll just have to accept the fact that that I can't change it even if I wanted to and move on from there.

wet t-shirt contest

I win!

I couldn't decide which picture was more ridiculous.  This is the result of running (not even jogging, running!) 3 avenues and 3 blocks in the rain to my subway stop yesterday.  I took off my shirt, wrung it out and got it back on right as the train pulled in.  I entertained the notion of doing the same to my pants but the thought of Isaac sneaking up on me with a disapproving shake of the head killed that idea.

When I went to Six Flags the other day I also wore a similar white shirt.  Isaac joked that I purposefully wore it with future thoughts of the log flume ride.  I believe this is the look he thinks I had in mind.  Look at those sexy nips!

heaving breaths

And nothing laurnj. Well, sort of nothing. I did go in for an interview for that job and taught a lesson to the woman running the Pilates program. She said she would let everyone know her decision after Labor Day. And I haven't heard from her yet. And it's totally after Labor Day. A friend of mine also applied for that job, which potentially could be great as they were looking for more than one hire and if we both worked there we could hang out.

This is my last week at my desk job! I only have three days left. Then my schedule will look something like this:


That's my entire schedule for all of next week. I mean, on one hand, Hooray! Look at all that free time! On the other hand, Yikes! I don't always do so well with lots of free time. And I won't be making any money. Hooray! I'm sure things will work out one way or another but looking ahead can be a bit scary. So I'm just going to stop doing it. Problem solved.