Sometimes I feel like my emotional and psychological being is stuck at, let's say age 12. Little things can set me in a funk from which I have to fiercely fight my way out. Battles I consistently lose. Some events can be easily predicted and I do my best to stay away from those. But then I being the constant dilemma of am I reinforcing my behavior by not subjecting myself to those types of situations or is it that I really just don't like those situations? I don't know. Then there are unexpected happenings that seem to shoot straight into me, find that switch marked "depression" and flip it.

On the train today I was thinking about how I often use the words "just, like, really" and other vague modifiers. My father criticizes my speech and writing for this and tells me to be specific but the problem is that I can't. I can't be specific. I don't know what I'm trying to say and even when I do I don't know how to say it. So I need my qualifiers to leave things slightly more opened ended. I can't make a direct statement. They scare me. There's always something I don't know.